Museum of Weird Books

Here are the questions from the cover of the book:

• What does it take to rate on a date?

Rate? Like I'm not good enough for you?

• How can I be sure I'm in love?

Hey, baby, this hunk of burning love is all the proof yah need!

• What does the Bible say about sex?

There's sex in the Bible? I'm gonna have to read that again!

• How can I be certain of happiness in marriage?

Can 1 million divorces a year be wrong?

• How does the body develop and function?

Wouldn't this be better handled in Biology Class or Home Ec.?

• What can be done about special sex problems?

What kind of problems are you talking about? I have sex. No problem.

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Here's the back cover. I'm supposed to trust these people for sex advice? That man looks like he's had sex only once within the past decade and that was for procreation only. I guess we're supposed to believe that smile on her face is because she's happy she married to the yokel and not because she just "boinked" the milkman.

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That can't be a mirror...why is that girl so taken with the portrait of the young woman on the wall? Is she a Lesbian?

Let's investigate the text:

"…These are days of definite maturing for the young lady. The time spent combing her hair, experimenting with that new perfume, using new and dainty undergarments, are all a part of reaching adulthood."

Okay, so the best way to have sex is to comb my hair, buy expensive cologne and wear a corset. How about some stiletto heals and a riding crop? I think that would get me more sex than combing my hair would.

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This looks odd! I always shave in front of a picture of my best friend, because I can't cast a reflection of my own! ...unfortunate disease, you know. I have to drink warm blood too, and I sometimes like to fly around at night...

Or is this suggesting what I think it is?

Let us refer to the text:

"…Whiskers begin sprouting, and fellows begin looking into mirrors, in search of excuses for shaving!…In fact, the word puberty comes from the Latin verb pubescere, which means "to become hairy." Every Christian fellow should realize that this sudden surge of manliness is all in God's design. A significant contribution to a fellow's pride during these days is his incipient beard…"

Yep, every hair that grows on my chin brings me closer to God.

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Oh, yes, the ubiquitous female anatomy diagram. Like this is going to tell me how to perform the "missionary" position. And where is the male anatomy? Or is that too pornographic for a "Christian" book?

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Do they have baby shops now where you can buy them by the pound? I always thought they brought your baby to your room. I know I don't want to have to look at my baby through a window before I hold him.

What does the text have to say about this picture?

"Babies have a way of notifying the world of their presence."

That's an understatement.

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